People do business with other people. That’s why being a great communicator so important in a career. Part of being a great communicator is being a great listener. But, most of us don’t truly listen – we’re busy thinking about what we want to say next, or at best we’re listening to respond.
Listening is important for career success because (i) you learn more that way, and (ii) others will respect and like you more. After all, to be listened to and attended to is a basic human desire.
I never realized what a terrible listener I was until I became trained as an executive coach. It turns out that a good coach doesn’t tell people what to do, but rather listens and asks thought-provoking questions and listens some more.
The first few times I tried this listening activity during my coaching course, it was really hard. I kept wanting to interrupt because I felt sure I knew what the rest of the sentence was going to be and wanted to save time and “cut to the chase”.
But then, when it was my turn to be on the receiving end of a great listener, I learned that it feels fabulous to be listened to: being allowed to finish my sentences and thoughts and having the other person focused on what I’m saying the entire time without looking at a smart phone or rifling through papers. Perhaps because it’s so unique, it made me feel special and created an environment of safety and trust.
I remember having that feeling when I was in a selling interview with the then CEO of Morgan Stanley, Dick Fisher. I was choosing between Morgan Stanley and Goldman Sachs, the top two investment banks at the time.
I was ushered into Dick Fisher’s mahogany-lined office where we sat by the fireplace. He answered my questions, asked me some of his own and listened intently as though I was the most important person in the universe. At the end he asked whether there was anything else I wanted to know, and I said no because I felt complete.
After I left his office, I looked at my watch and saw that only 20 minutes had passed! It felt like all the time in the world. I signed up that very evening.
When you truly listen, you show the other person that you care, and it significantly enhances your relationship.
Spend the entire workday without interrupting when someone else is talking and you are the listener. Actively listen – as though the other person is about to say something fascinating.
As a bonus, extend your listening activity to your personal life as well. See what happens.
What did you learn about yourself?
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May is an executive coach, speaker, advisor, and author of the #1 international bestseller VISIBLE: How to Advance Your Career Without Playing Politics, Selling Your Soul, or Working Yourself into the Ground. She’s a seasoned business executive with a passion for helping leaders be the best they can be.
As an executive coach and mentor, May brings 24 years of front-line corporate experience and expertise, most recently as COO of Morgan Stanley Europe, to help professionals overcome (often hidden) obstacles, advance to the next level in their careers and reach their full potential.
